THE WEEKLY WEASEL GETS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS
Miley Cyrus week here at the Weekly Weasel. It's our party- we can do what we want.
I CAME IN LIKE A RUSSIAN BALL
Russia is blasting to a comparatively excellent season, with the second highest average score and tied for the second highest number of board tops. Game 341 was no exception, as Bryan Pravel pushed the Russian Resurgence at last week’s bar game, securing a 9 center board top and moving himself into the top 7 on the year. Following his best Russia performance at CODCON, Pravel has now topped 3 of his last four boards as Mother Russia (shout out to the research department here at the Weekly Weasel, who pulled that stat.) Ali Adib also picked up points in a second place performance. Game results here.
THE SEVEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU
Tuesday night brings a bonus bar game, with seven players set to play at the aptly named Seven, a restaurant in Brian Shelden’s apartment building. Should be a fascinating board- three vets, two Trottas (Papa and Ian), and two rookies. Your writer was going to play, but got scheduled for focus groups Tuesday evening, and will thus be arriving late to help coach and yell at the Golden State Warriors. We’ll have to settle for A Tale of Two Trottas instead of the Trotta, Trotta, Trotta sequel. Hint hint at what the game headline will be.
Festivities kick off at 630. Coin flip whether there will be post game karaoke. If history is any indication, that coin flip turns to a certainty should the Prime Weasel hear anything by Sugarland.
THERE’S ALWAYS GONNA BE ANOTHER MOUNTAIN…
Speaking of Seven and feminine karaoke ballads about life's journey, “The Climb” for Weasel Royale is remarkably competitive this year. Following Pravel’s board top, the top 7 all have scores exceeding 100 points, with four veterans close behind. While the top 3 spots are likely secure, we have 8 players competing for the final four spots in our club’s championship. With three months remaining, there is plenty of time for additional challengers to stake their claim in what should be a bloodbath of a home stretch.
WE CAN’T STOP. AND WE WON’T STOP.
The final year brought red cups and sweaty bodies everywhere, but Game 340 ended with Jake Trotta extending his personal league topping streak to 3. The nine center effort brings him one short of Brandon Fogel’s presumed record streak of 4 consecutive tops (research department is working round the clock on this, folks.) Check out some fine AARs, where Trotta did presciently predict the result of game 341.
PARTY IN THE USA
The Wise Old Weasel is back with a patriotic vengeance. The WOW: France appeared last week, and your writer could not bring himself to say nice things about France, so it was rewritten as the WOW: America. Brandon posited that this may be due to some Italian inferiority complex; your writer has no defense in that regard. Share your best baguette battle strategies here.
THE WISE OLD WEASEL: FRANCE
I’m supposed to say nice things about French culture here. But here’s the truth: Napoleon was a goddamn Italian, and France lost both World Wars. They invented the word “surrender.”
France is so laughably overpowered on the diplomacy board, with their embarrassment of neutrals, difficult to play neighbors, arguably second best defensive position in the game, and natural resting state along the stalemate line. In diplomacy, France is unquestionably the best. They practically always win. It's almost like the game was created for them to dominate. Wait a minute...
Folks… France is the AMERICA of diplomacy.
So fuck your cake. It’s 1917, and the real freaking heroes are finally here. Grab your bacon and apple pie, because Operation: Dip Freedom is coming through.
This Wise Old Weasel is all about TEAM FREEDOM.
THE WISE OLD WEASEL: AMERICA
Team Freedom, World's Greatest Nation and normally the strongest nation on the board, is having a great year, winning 13 of 30 boards so far. This nearly doubles the second place nation, but still does not match our dominance in World Series Championships. You're freaking welcome, every other country.
Perhaps the most difficult challenge in playing America is the same challenge as being an American- what do I do with all this FREEDOM?
We thank France for the Statue of Liberty, democratic revolutions, and pissing off England. The greatest country in the world perfected all 3.
All right, Weasels. Uncle Sam needs you. How do you play France America?
Hit the jump for some great American history, ballads of bald eagle resurgences, how we have the best allies, and more.
THE WISE OLD WEASEL CELEBRATES SIXO DE MAYO
Well, that was a little delay with a lot of Diplomacy in it.
A FIERY FIESTA FEATURING PITBULL AT PRAVEL’S
You’ve heard of Cinco, but the Weasels will be celebrating on the 6th this year at Bryan Pravel’s river north apartment. Since Bryan is moving, it will be the last game at the venue, but there will be plenty of SIXO DE MAYO CELEBRATION with a spicy board of veteran players. In true Latin style, we will Mexican food in at least the form of tortilla chips, Pitbull playing nonstop in the background, and one drawn out discussion from Jake about how Dos Equis Amber is the superior Mexican import. Yes, that means I'll bring some.
Sign up for the Siesta here.
DAD’S GOT GAME (AND NOW A TROPHY)
In case anyone hasn’t heard yet, club founder Jim O’Kelley won CODCON (his first Chicago tournament title) with a rousing Turkish solo, in addition to a quality English board top. It was one hell of an event for the Witches- to such a degree that Best France was only 12 points (congrats Prime Weasel Shelden!) Your writer got both second place and the Icarus fish for biggest flop, while world’s nicest Weasel Bryan Pravel put down the hair gel, took the gloves off, and earned both Best Stab and Third Place honors. Commentary and game recaps are coming in, check them all out here.
GIVE EM THE RINGER, DUDE
The Weasels had a great game over at Diversey Bowl a couple weeks back. In a mad rush of a final year, Jake Trotta landed an 8 center board top. Brandon Fogel did a wonderful job coaching rookie player Randi Miller, as well as ensuring no one treated objects like women, man. Read about all the action here. We also had a bar game, topped by newcomer Jocie Nelson, which you can read about here.
THE WEEKLIER WEASEL IS ON A MISSION FROM COD
Before we get into CODCON HYPE, let us first point out that two of the top five Austria performances of club history, including the biggest ever, happened last week. Which happened to be the week after the publishing of Wise Old Weasel: Austria. Coincidence? Sister Margaretta thinks not.
Now, back to the news at hand.
LIE TELLIN’ IN GLEN ELLYN. TOPPING BOARDS IN STUDENT RESOURCE. STABS AND RAGE AT COLLEGE OF DUPAGE.
That’s right folks, CODCON, the Outback Bowl of the Diplomacy hobby, is coming up this weekend. Grab your notebooks and bloomin’ onions- it’s about to get HYPEEEEEE! The madness kicks off at 9am on Saturday at, you guessed it, the student resource center at College of Dupage in lovely Glen Ellyn, Illinois. If you haven’t already, sign up here. Bonus- if you pay your dues, then you save money on the fee. That’s like saving two puppies at once.
THE WISE OLD WEASEL STABS THE DAY
Weasels, it is the Ides of March, the date of the most famous stab in human history.
Julius Caesar, renowned politician, general, diplomatic, lover and Protector of Rome took Italy all the way to 17 centers in 44 BC, with all of France, Belgium, Iberia, all of Italy, Tunis, Trieste, Serbia, Greece, Bul, and all of Turkey. (Yes, we here at the Wise Old Weasel counted the dots.)
But just before he could call himself Julius Solo, Caesar’s senate compatriots formed a grand alliance to stop him. Antony, Caesar’s most loyal ally, gave a moving eulogy… and summarily pardoned the assassins.
Today is a day we celebrate the stab, the crux of this great game we call diplomacy. Whether you are Casca, rushing into the shoulder blade first, Cassius, who swung for the face and missed, or Brutus, the beloved brother who stuck a sword in his side, we all have our memorable stabs.
On this Ides of March, do not merely beware, but relish in the thrill of stabbing and, yes, being stabbed.
So, Weasels, let us stab the day and share our great war stories and sage stab advice below.
We’re back with a triumphant return after getting chewed out on Twitter. Thanks, guys. I appreciate the Speaky Weasel support.
MARTIN, KLINE STRIKE IN BOWLING ALLEY
Headlines like that are worth the wait, folks. Chicago’s finest diplomacy hobby had a wonderful outing last weekend at Diversey Bowl, again hosting two boards. Out-of-towner Chris Martin topped one with a 48 point Russian performance, taking over this year’s Top Czar score and deeply disappointing your writer. On the other board, Christian Kline eeked out a 7-6-6 split as France, earning his second top this year. Recaps are starting to come in, read all about it here.
We’re back at Red Lion for a game next Wednesday… and we’re on a two board hot streak! Check what it’s brawl about here.
The hills are alive with the sound of music- but will you be around to hear it? Greece and Bulgaria are some of my favorite things, but you need a German older and wiser keeping Russia out of Gal for you! Can climb every mountain? Will Edelweiss bless your homeland forever? Or will F02 leave you singing “so long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu?”
Grab your bags and your rich Uncle Max! This, Weasels, is where we share our wisdom.
A gray sky surrounds the grayer plains… or is it snow? There is nothing around except a few bare trees, no one to talk to, no place for respite. It is cold, damn cold. There is no more Ritz to be Putin on. You inhale, reeking of friends lost and hopelessness, but the only showers here are (allegedly) used to blackmail other, more important players.
Do you have what it takes to survive the winter? This, weasels, is where we share our Wisdom.
THE WISE OLD WEASEL—RUSSIA
“Why does this club hate Russia?” ponders club founder and Soviet sweetheart Jim O’Kelly. Verily, Russia is the most difficult country to play in this club, as it is the least likely to top or split a top.
Perhaps it is because of this club’s proclivity to the Sundstrom/ Armenia opening. Perhaps it is because Germany tends to bounce Sweden. Perhaps it is because two units are often bounced in S01. Perhaps it is the lack of guaranteed builds. Perhaps it is because Russia always happens to look big. Perhaps it is because Germany is too eager to move east. Perhaps it is because it neighbors nearly every nation and has the most number of “strategically imperative” diplomatic conversations early in the game. Perhaps Weasels are just fulfilling their patriotic duty.
Much like matryoshka doll, each Russian problem just opens up into another Russian problem. Playing Russia can be a real bear.
YOUR RUSSIAN INSPIRATION
I debated putting the "Miracle on Ice" here, but found this more appropriate. For context, you are the bear.
Quit Stalin and drop by the comments to leave your motherland musings.
Hit the JUMP for Russia stats, correlations, and the part where Jake posts links he knows are broken and reminds himself to correct them later.
Sometimes, there’s a moot… and I’m talking about Weasel Moot here… Sometimes, there’s a moot that, well, there I go again. (If this page confuses you, click here.)
You know what? Fuck it dude, let’s go bowling.
THE WEASEL MOOT: IN A BOWLING ALLEY
Your favorite marmots Weasels will be hosting the 10th(ish) annual Weasel Moot from June 23-25. It will be at a Bowling Alley, the details of which I do not remember. Or Mooterino, if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
Careful man, there’s a Beveridge here!
We’ve got the whole place to ourselves, including the bar, where there will be plenty of White Russians and some more of that good Sasparilla.
This isn’t Nam. There are Rules.
Such as four rounds of sum of squares scoring, with one drop round to really tie the moot together.
This aggression will not stand, man.
There will be a code of conduct, but the short version is don’t treat objects like women. Break it, and you will see what happens, Larry.
Where’s the money, Lebowski?
Cost is probably $50. Paypal link.
You’re out of your element, Donnie.
But we’ll make sure you traveling tumbleweeds have a place to stay. Hotels here. AirBNB here. Some people have room availables.
I don’t need your sympathy, I need my Johnson.
Say what you will about the tenets of a western triple, at least it’s an ethos, man.
I'm starting to believe the GOP might play diplomacy. If I've learned anything in this world of dot grabbing bastards, it's that the only way to look ethical is to make someone else look unethical.
SPEAKING OF SNAKE OIL
In our bonus bar game, Italy (yours truly) slithered its way to a 16-dot board top and the top of the league/brawl standings. For recaps and insight from The Jungle Book, click here. Also click to see Jim amusingly guilt himself into updating the standings. Thanks, Jim.
NEW KIDS THROWIN' DOWN IN UPTOWN
Rookie of the Year front-runner and South Carolina's second favorite son (couldn't bump you ahead of Colbert) Mick Johnson is hosting this Saturday at 11 in Uptown. The board currently features 3 first timers, one rookie, and three guys in their second season of WCW play. Can we push for 2? If not, come on by, hang out, and help coach a young weasel! Sign up here.
Hit the jump for next week bar game details, Wise Old Weasel updates, and your usual and customary pupptricide shaming.