A gray sky surrounds the grayer plains… or is it snow? There is nothing around except a few bare trees, no one to talk to, no place for respite. It is cold, damn cold. There is no more Ritz to be Putin on. You inhale, reeking of friends lost and hopelessness, but the only showers here are (allegedly) used to blackmail other, more important players.
Do you have what it takes to survive the winter? This, weasels, is where we share our Wisdom.
THE WISE OLD WEASEL—RUSSIA
“Why does this club hate Russia?” ponders club founder and Soviet sweetheart Jim O’Kelly. Verily, Russia is the most difficult country to play in this club, as it is the least likely to top or split a top.
Perhaps it is because of this club’s proclivity to the Sundstrom/ Armenia opening. Perhaps it is because Germany tends to bounce Sweden. Perhaps it is because two units are often bounced in S01. Perhaps it is the lack of guaranteed builds. Perhaps it is because Russia always happens to look big. Perhaps it is because Germany is too eager to move east. Perhaps it is because it neighbors nearly every nation and has the most number of “strategically imperative” diplomatic conversations early in the game. Perhaps Weasels are just fulfilling their patriotic duty.
Much like matryoshka doll, each Russian problem just opens up into another Russian problem. Playing Russia can be a real bear.
YOUR RUSSIAN INSPIRATION
I debated putting the "Miracle on Ice" here, but found this more appropriate. For context, you are the bear.
Quit Stalin and drop by the comments to leave your motherland musings.
Hit the JUMP for Russia stats, correlations, and the part where Jake posts links he knows are broken and reminds himself to correct them later.
Sometimes, there’s a moot… and I’m talking about Weasel Moot here… Sometimes, there’s a moot that, well, there I go again. (If this page confuses you, click here.)
You know what? Fuck it dude, let’s go bowling.
THE WEASEL MOOT: IN A BOWLING ALLEY
Your favorite marmots Weasels will be hosting the 10th(ish) annual Weasel Moot from June 23-25. It will be at a Bowling Alley, the details of which I do not remember. Or Mooterino, if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
Careful man, there’s a Beveridge here!
We’ve got the whole place to ourselves, including the bar, where there will be plenty of White Russians and some more of that good Sasparilla.
This isn’t Nam. There are Rules.
Such as four rounds of sum of squares scoring, with one drop round to really tie the moot together.
This aggression will not stand, man.
There will be a code of conduct, but the short version is don’t treat objects like women. Break it, and you will see what happens, Larry.
Where’s the money, Lebowski?
Cost is probably $50. Paypal link.
You’re out of your element, Donnie.
But we’ll make sure you traveling tumbleweeds have a place to stay. Hotels here. AirBNB here. Some people have room availables.
I don’t need your sympathy, I need my Johnson.
Say what you will about the tenets of a western triple, at least it’s an ethos, man.
I'm starting to believe the GOP might play diplomacy. If I've learned anything in this world of dot grabbing bastards, it's that the only way to look ethical is to make someone else look unethical.
SPEAKING OF SNAKE OIL
In our bonus bar game, Italy (yours truly) slithered its way to a 16-dot board top and the top of the league/brawl standings. For recaps and insight from The Jungle Book, click here. Also click to see Jim amusingly guilt himself into updating the standings. Thanks, Jim.
NEW KIDS THROWIN' DOWN IN UPTOWN
Rookie of the Year front-runner and South Carolina's second favorite son (couldn't bump you ahead of Colbert) Mick Johnson is hosting this Saturday at 11 in Uptown. The board currently features 3 first timers, one rookie, and three guys in their second season of WCW play. Can we push for 2? If not, come on by, hang out, and help coach a young weasel! Sign up here.
Hit the jump for next week bar game details, Wise Old Weasel updates, and your usual and customary pupptricide shaming.
Did you miss me? Notice anything different about me? Shout out to the dream team of Pravel, Shelden, Fogel, and O’Kelley for fixing the website and turning this once ugly duckling into the beautiful swan it is today. Let’s see what this bodacious bod can do.
ONE IS SILVER, THE OTHER IS GOLD
We’ve had three boards this December, two won by new friends Nicole Campbell and Gudrun Juffer, the one a thriller pulled out by venerable Prime Weasel and lying bastard Brian Shelden. No word on if the game at Gramila’s resulted in any shirtless, bearded rice pudding selfies. If you haven’t heard that story, you absolutely need to ask Gramila.
Anyways, check out the recaps. Honestly, they’re directly below this post, so I’m going to go ahead and trust you to scroll on down and check em out.
A NICE CHRISTMAS BONUS
That’s right folks, there’s an extra bar game on the 28th at the Red Lion. Swing by at 630 for the SANTA CLAUSE SELECTION ORDER, booze, and general holiday merriment. Peter Lokken will be swinging by. Also my kid brother will be there because it just wouldn’t be the holidays without some family infighting.
Sign up here. Also, check the lineup. Sure to be some fireworks-is there an alliance player on that board?
Hit the jump for a full stockingsworth of Weasel updates.
Turkey, Thanksgiving cornerstone and diplomatic "Cancer in the Corner," is next up because of the aforementioned holiday.
A reminder of what we're doing here:
Weasels near and far, let us gather and share our collective wisdom on the play of individual powers in this great game. All are encouraged to comment with their perspective on playing each power effectively. For newer weasels, this should be a tremendous resource to quickly learn the game. For older weasels, this blog will provide areas to search for improvement and share discoveries. And for the oldest of Weasels, this blog is an outlet for the fruit of their many years in the hobby. This, Weasels, is where we share our wisdom.
Topics of conversation may include openings, negotiation, alliances, how to solo, how to play from behind, anything and everything that feeds into the proper play of the nation. Reminder: this is specific to club Turkish play under the one true scoring system, Sum of Squares.
Gobble up your Turkish tactics after the jump.
This is your unofficial Brawl Title Bout hype thread. Brotivational? Brotivational.
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRAWLLLLLLL
Bar Room Brawl Championship Bar Room Brawl Title Bout is tomorrow at the Red Lion. Will Top Weasel Brandon Fogel bring home his first postseason trophy? Can Bull Weasel Matt Sundstrom power himself to the top? Could upstart challenger David Spanos, or late addition Ali Adib, take a swing at the title? The gloves will come off, but only one will raise Cockerill's Orb as our Bar Room Brawl Champion.
Meanwhile, we've got two for the undercard. Now five people may seem like a lot to pull in 24 hours, but did Rocky ever quit? Seriously, the dude is on his 6th movie.
We had a busy week here at the Windy City Weasels. Hit the jump for YUGE board results, touring Weasel updates, and your usual dues-paying puppy shaming.
After 5 games in 7 days, the editorial staff took a much needed break from your usual Weasel content/ over-the-top puns. Here's hoping the Cubs' bats wake up with us.
The gloves came off at the Weasel Royale. 7 players walked in, only one emerged as our Bull Weasel and 2015-16 season champion. Congratulations to Matt Sundstrom, who brought his second 'ship to port as Turkey. Given this and the fact that he has a Turkish opening named after him, we all greatly look forward to his contributions to THE WISE OLD WEASEL: TURKEY next month. (We here at the Weekly Weasel are subtle with our peer pressure.)
Read all about the top board here. Shout out to Dan Burgess for being a gracious host.
MICKTORIOUS ONCE AGAIN
Meanwhile, in the Undercard at Weasel Royale, newcomer Mick Johnson racked up his second board top in just 3 games. He's now topping the standings with 101 points, giving him an excellent chance of making the top board next year. For more details on the boozy basement battle, click here.
New site policy: any reference to draw size scoring must have a trigger warning.
WEASELS TRY (TEA)POT FOR THE FIRST TIME. DETAILS OF LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE TO FOLLOW.
5 Weasels attended Tempest, including 4 first timers. What began with Cheetos Chicken Fries ended with Brandon Fogel "Steve Harvey"-ing himself out of Best Austria. Your solo-throwing writer also brought home the rusty blade for, as Austria, causing
a grown man England such emotional distress that he vowed to never play a tournament again. In actual results, Prime Weasel Bryan Shelden got 10th, Brian Pravel got 13th, Brandon Fogel got 14th, Jake Trotta got 16th, and Carlos Trevino came in 23rd. Tempest cooldown post coming whenever their brains recover. In the meantime, check out last week's Weekly Weasel for updates. (Also, this.)
RED WEDNESDAY GOES FOR TWO "BECAUSE I COULDN'T GO FOR THREE"
We are at 18 (18!) for Red Wednesday tonight in Lincoln Square. If we get up to 19, we can make 3 boards. Otherwise, we'll do 2 with a tremendous turnout. Sign up here.
Welcome to the Weekly Weasel, which this week is the unofficial Tempest hype thread.
THE AFOREMENTIONED TEMPEST HYPE THREAD
Five brave weasels of good standing and stately demeanor voyage to our nation's capital this week. Four of the new guard will be roadtripping and making a monumental first appearance at Tempest. The venerable Prime Weasel Brian Shelden, by the power entrusted to him by Weasels and credit card miles, will be flying. The scheming starts Friday-should be an excellent weekend of stabs and songs (spoilers for the team round). We'll be sure to post recaps of our experiences. Also, if anybody knows of something to do in Cleveland on a Thursday night, seriously hit up the comment section.
I'm serious about the Cleveland thing. Ohio is the WORST. We're desperate.
THE WISE OLD WEASEL ARRIVES (FASHIONABLY LATE) TOMORROW
(update: it will apparently be more fashionably late. Look out for this next week)
As we mentioned whenever this was last posted, tomorrow we will be discussing the play of Germany within the club. Some statistics will be provided to tee up your strategic insights on the Fatherland. Out of towners/ friends of the Weasels are more than welcome to chime in. In the spirit of both Columbus Day and Octoberfest, your writer will discuss the importance of the Italian-German alliance. Looking forward to hearing all your awesome ideas on Germany.
What's up guys? Lots of fun news this week, had an excellent start to our brawl season with 5 newbies attending.
Da roof. Da Bears. Daaaaaplomacy.
Sunday at 11 your writer is hosting a house game in Lakeshore East. There will be gorgeous views of Lake Michigan and Navy Pier, a case of 312, and all sorts of stabbing and general merriment. It's going to be awesome.
We are currently at 9, if we get to 12 we can play 2 boards. Sign up here.