THE WISE OLD WEASEL: FRANCE
I’m supposed to say nice things about French culture here. But here’s the truth: Napoleon was a goddamn Italian, and France lost both World Wars. They invented the word “surrender.”
France is so laughably overpowered on the diplomacy board, with their embarrassment of neutrals, difficult to play neighbors, arguably second best defensive position in the game, and natural resting state along the stalemate line. In diplomacy, France is unquestionably the best. They practically always win. It's almost like the game was created for them to dominate. Wait a minute...
Folks… France is the AMERICA of diplomacy.
So fuck your cake. It’s 1917, and the real freaking heroes are finally here. Grab your bacon and apple pie, because Operation: Dip Freedom is coming through.
This Wise Old Weasel is all about TEAM FREEDOM.
THE WISE OLD WEASEL: AMERICA
Team Freedom, World's Greatest Nation and normally the strongest nation on the board, is having a great year, winning 13 of 30 boards so far. This nearly doubles the second place nation, but still does not match our dominance in World Series Championships. You're freaking welcome, every other country.
Perhaps the most difficult challenge in playing America is the same challenge as being an American- what do I do with all this FREEDOM?
REMOVE YOUR HATS FOR YOUR PATRIOTIC INSPIRATION
We thank France for the Statue of Liberty, democratic revolutions, and pissing off England. The greatest country in the world perfected all 3.
All right, Weasels. Uncle Sam needs you. How do you play France America?
Hit the jump for some great American history, ballads of bald eagle resurgences, how we have the best allies, and more.
THE GREAT PATRIOTS OF WEASEL POSTERITY
Much like our finest achievement in literature, Star Wars, America’s peak greatness is the story of an underdog. Rookie upstart/ simple farm boy with big dreams Zane Blanton piloted God’s chosen people to 13 supply centers, one for each of the original colonies, a 61 point effort. A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.
American success is most correlated with Russia. In fact, that relationship has the strongest positive correlation of any in the game. This message brought to you by the Trump administration.
Austria and Turkey have about an equal negative correlation, with Italy shortly behind. England and Germany both have strong, though about equally strong, negative correlations, as is tradition for being in the same theatre.
THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVELISTS
You can’t storm the beaches of Normandy without the Sea Lion.
For expert level play, check out Toby Harris’s overview.
Here’s a nice overview if you’re not into the whole “expert” thing.
The finest opening since Eruzione broke through against the Russians to take a 3-2 lead.